“We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies – it is the first law of nature.” ~Voltaire
In my last post, I used the word humanity and would like to elaborate on this topic. I at one point in time aspired to perfection as an ideal for myself and now I laugh hysterically at the thought. Through all my learning about the great mysteries of life, I have come to know that only the formless knows perfection. In form, we are human and we are a beautiful mess. Diverse, multicultural, varied and forever changing.
Now just for your information, I am a nobody. I’m just human like everyone else. I know that I’m not important and I am not in any way looking to sound like an expert on any of these matters. I have done very little doing in my lifetime. I have no great career, I have dropped out of university, I have spent too many days of my life consuming alcohol, drugs, and any other number of things to fill the void. I could probably blame my life circumstance for that. It is a fact that I never had growing up easy, but it is also a fact that growing up hard has made my life worth living. Accepting that I’m a nobody gives me the pleasure of peace and joy in life. As well as the wisdom to know that life is forever changing and I can embrace it, rather than fight against it.
Throughout my growing up years, I had some seriously dark days and at one point, I would’ve told people that they couldn’t understand the things I’ve been through, that they would be unable to comprehend my suffering. Through those times I learned to allow myself to be weak, angry and sad. I also came to recognize that I was the only one responsible for my own inner state of being. Life has thrown it’s shit at me and I have smelled it, tasted it, felt it squish between my fingers and I have washed it off and moved forward. Sometimes it was as if I was just trying to keep my head above water, but I persevered and I kept looking for the answers that would bring me to peace.
I have since stopped being angry and sad for the most part, and as I begin to wake up and shed my own suffering, I have begun to recognize that many others are not unlike how I used to be. What I see now makes me weary… I am the incredibly lucky one. I have allowed my sadness and my anger and my weakness to bring me to peace. Others are still angry and sad and they do not recognize that it isn’t the countless others or the circumstance of their lives that drives them to this place. It is themselves, it is not taking personal responsibility for their own inner state. It’s not reaching out to the ones they love. It’s striving for perfection and not accepting their own humanity. It’s in an unwillingness to embrace change or let go.
Please, do not get me wrong, I do not blame them and I do not see anything in them that has not been in myself. I see humanity… I see suffering… I see the mess… I also see that there is another way. A way to embrace humanity, a way to embrace the circumstances of your life, a way to peace. It is the way into suffering. It is in vulnerability. It is in weakness. And most of all it is in love.
It is in my own humanity that I can look at others and know that they fear weakness and vulnerability. It is in my own humanity that I see people struggling for perfection rather than acceptance of what is. And it is in my own humanity that I have been able to recognize another in myself.
Let yourself be weak, and you will find a surprising source of strength within. Let yourself be alone and you will find yourself surrounded by people. Let yourself be human and you will find true love.